Keeping It Real

     I've decided that the number of views on all of my social media crap don't matter. Sure, it's taken me awhile to realize this. I end up checking each site at least three times a day for the number of video views, number of reblogs, etc. Honestly, I don't do it for the views, I just like doing what I do. So why do I feel this need to keep checking? Beats me. Maybe it's narcissism. That's a strong possibility. So anyways, to keep it real I'm going to stop checking the number of views. If some of my stuff gets popular, that's awesome. And if none of my stuff gets any views, that's awesome too. I wanna keep doing what I do for me. I don't want to change what I do for viewers. I mean, look how that turned out for the show, Skins.

     Or at least I think that's what happened after the fourth series. And what the heck did they think they were doing with the last two episodes of the fourth series???? I'm still SO ANGRY about what they did. Is it really necessary to kill off a character a season. REALLY?

     But yeah, what I'm trying to say is, I don't want to do anything for views. Sure, I'll put tags and crap. I like when people see my stuff. But I don't want to become some crazy psycho who only cares about views. I mean, I love subscribers and followers, but I want to be sure that what I do makes me happy. What matters is that it makes me happy.

     I know that I haven't freaking blogged in forever because I've been so busy with school. But here are a few images of what I have been doing the past month or so.

    Just kidding. Well, kind of. I did watch Skins a ton... Seriously though.

     That's right! Marching band! Now, the real question is, can you find me? Wait... You don't know what I look like? -from this season.

     Okay, so this is from last season, but I only have like 2 pictures of me from this season. Yeah, yeah. Narcissism again. I know.

     If I ever have time, and can find some, I'll post pics from this season too, okay? Still. Even with photos from last season, I can still manage to tell the story of my life.

     Maybe my shoulders aren't perfect, but I'm working on that this season.

     Okay, so here's my second photo from this season... I FOUND it guys!

     Not a lot of other pics. A good portion of what's been happening can be told from my YouTube channel, zombotiful. But, I will embed the video I made today so you can be a part of the madness.

     NO. I DIDN'T CHECK HOW MANY VIEWS WHILE I WAS ON THERE. I'M GOING TO TRY NOT TO. I'm pretty sure all of the views on there are mine anyways. I watched it a couple of times because this is one of my better videos. I say that now. In a year I'll totally be like, "WTF was I thinking??" but for now, it's pretty good compared with some.

     We rescued a kitten, and are neighbors are keeping him now. That saga is on my YouTube channel as well. So far in two super short videos.

     Also, I've had a ton of homework because I'm taking Spanish at college and my usual high school coursework that I happen to despise.

     AND, I picked up the Fast and Furious series, the second one is coming in the mail sometime next week, and have been getting my mum acquainted with that story (no, I am not British. And I don't think I'm British. I just like saying "mum", okay? Do you have a problem with that? DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?! You do? Well, okay then. Sucks to be you).

     I love all of them, but one of my very favorites is Tokyo Drift because of the kind of driving. Drifting is so freaking fascinating. And because one of my very favorite characters is in it. 

     But I also am in love with Fast Five because most of my fave characters are connected in it. Cause I mean, come on. Vin Diesel AND the Rock in the same movie?! In what other world does that happen?

     Fine, I lied. I love all of them. Screw it, ya know?

    Lastly, not really, but it's the last thing I can think of before I finish my biology homework and go workout and then maybe introduce mum to Fast and Furious, the forth one. I swear, the names of the forth and first one are so confusing. Couldn't they have been a little more creative? But maybe they were backhandedly being creative by not being creative.

     Okay, I'll stop babbling-writing now. I'm trying to get fit/lose weight/ get abs and strengthen my muscles. But sometimes I binge, so it's really freaking hard. But I've been using www.myfitnesspal.com and it has been helping. Unless I gained it back this week, so far I've lost almost 4 lbs. Maybe that's not really great, but it's a start.

     So yeah. That's it for now. Hopefully I'll be back soon! Hopefully I won't look at my number of views on crap. Have an awesome week, or an awesome until I write to you next. And even after and during that have an awesome life! Till next time:)

Under Pressure

     What the fudge? Ya know? It's 1 AM and I'm going to my cousin's house later today, and I'm just feeling depressed. Oh yay! you must be thinking now. Another depressing blog about some girl's life. So frickin' exciting. But wait. There's more to it than that.

     I guess every teen gets depressed. I'm no exception. It's just that, well, I've been a good girl all of my life. You know, the good, Christian girl who is supposed to be perfect and gets called goody two shoes and whatnot. The thing is, I'm not that girl. WHOA. Hold up! What did she just say?? You heard me right. I'm not that perfect Christian girl that I'm supposed to be and that everyone seems to think that I am. I feel bad about my body. I curse my genes on the regular basis. I want to be pretty and thin and perfect. I want to be that sexy girl that everyone wants. I want to have fun and party. I want to have a boyfriend.

     I swear sometimes. I do stuff that's illegal. The other night while my friend and I were trying to do something illegally we got accused of being prostitutes and were politely asked to get off of the property.

     I'm not trying to say that I'm a bad girl. And I know that bad girls aren't better or happier than good girls. But the thing is, they aren't worse either. Not really. We all have our insecurities, though some of us are better at hiding them than others. We all go through crap. It's worse for some people than others. Only God knows why. We're all just trying to freaking get by. And it's so hard with everyone's pressure and expectations. Sure there's peer pressure to do stuff your not supposed to do, which is hard enough, but then there's peer pressure to do the stuff your supposed to do from your other friends. Then it morphs into me trying not to let down either group. That's not even including parents, other adults, older and younger siblings, etc.

Effy from the UK tv series Skins

While she's a fictional character, she's an amazing example of a "bad" girl because she's "like and onion, and has got layers"- Shrek

Sure, she's a bad girl...

But if you've watched the show, you know she goes through some serious freaking stuff. Bad girls lives aren't perfect either.

     It just get's to be a lot of pressure all the way around. No wonder so many of us slip into depression. Right now, I don't know what I'm going to do or how I'm going to feel in the next seconds, minutes, hours, days. What I do know is that I'm just one of the many people who I'm sure are out there who feel like me. If you're out there, just know that there's another person out there who feels like you, feeling alone, just surviving. Maybe together we can all survive by just getting by.

Don't Tell Scotty!

     Cause Scotty doesn't know!!!!!

     This is going to be a quickie (you have a dirty mind) blog post. I just wanted to write and say that I am far less cultured than I thought I was because I just figured out what my favorite movie of all time was.

Try and guess.

I already gave you a hint.

It involves travel.

Crass (who uses that word anymore?) humor.

Is friggin hilarious.

And involve a song almost catchier (and way better) than "Call Me Maybe".

Still haven't guessed?

Or did you cheat and look at the picture??

AND MY FAVORITE MOVIE IS...

     I know. Not very cultured is it? Well, don't be disappointed, cause it's a frigging hilarious movie. I absolutely love it.

     So yeah, I thought I'd blog about my favorite movie of all time that's right up there with Transformers (the first one, the others were crap), Serenity, The Fifth Element (actually, I'm not really sure how I feel about that movie), Girl, Interrupted, and a few others I can't think of off the top of my head.

     I'm gonna go watch it now. See ya!

The Shooting in Aurora, Colorado

     This afternoon I heard about the shooting in Colorado. There's not a lot to say. So many people were hurt/killed. We don't yet know why the guy did it. The officer from Colorado did well at answering the questions he could from the press. I don't like the press very much. They are nosy and ask questions that can't be answered, hoping for someone to slip up and accidentally answer them. I think the officer did well though. I wish the press wasn't so freaking rude. He's hurting too. Everybody's hurting. The people in the press need to get that through their minds even if all they can do is repeat the same stuff 1000 plus times.

     The officer started to say something about "getting past" this tragedy, but changed what he was saying to say something else. I liked that because it's so easy to say the cliche "we'll get past this" automatically. It's trained into our brains for who knows what reason. We all know that getting past this tragedy won't completely happen ever. So many people were injured/died/were traumatized by what this guy did. The officer kept himself from saying something that rolls off of our tongues without us thinking. We may move on, but I don't think we'll ever forget what happened.

     The officers and officials are working their hardest. Yesterday afternoon they weren't thinking that this would be happening later that night. They too, are trying to deal with their own emotions. They have friends who were also killed. I'd like to thank them for all they are doing despite what they must be going through.

     I don't think the movie Dark Knight Rises will do very well in the theater. I think that sales will drop by a lot. People will remember this tragedy with the movie. I was flipping through the channels tonight looking for a movie, and saw The Dark Knight was on. I never was a huge fan of the movie, and I flipped the channel right away. I couldn't believe that they're playing that after what happened. I understand that the movie series has little to do with what happened, but still. I don't think I can even watch the first one, Batman Begins, which I semi-liked.

     Earlier today, I wondered why people would be afraid to go to the theater. I mean, even if there ever was to be a copycat the likelihood of it happening in the theater you go to is very slim. I get it now. I don't want to go to the theater, at least not at night. And definitely not to go see The Dark Knight Rises. What happened today was tragic, scary, and could have us all living in fear for awhile. Maybe that wasn't his motive, but I feel like that was an added bonus for him. Having us live in fear of things that we shouldn't have to be afraid of.

     I wonder what will happen to that theater. Will people still go there? Will it be shut down? Will a memorial be set up? I don't know why this matters to me. It shouldn't, yet it does.

     There's nothing that can be said that can make this better. Nothing. Not even the verdict of James Holmes. Especially not that. Yes, the people in that theater need justice. We need justice. He needs to be judged, but that won't change what happened. After he goes through the justice system and the verdict is carried out, we'll all still hurt. James Holmes' family will hurt. The victims families and friends and those who were in that theater when it happened will hurt the most.

     There's nothing that I can write that hasn't already been said. There's nothing I can say that can explain how I feel correctly. I'm so sorry that this happened just isn't good enough. There are no words that can explain my utmost regrets. This tragedy can't be explained with words. Words aren't big enough.

     Why? Why did this happen? Why did it happen there? Why didn't it happen in another state? Why didn't it happen in a theater I know? Why didn't it happen to me? I'm grateful, but  I don't understand. Why did it happen to them? They didn't deserve it. No one deserved it. Life just doesn't make any sense sometimes.

     Maybe there are no answers to my questions. If there were answers, none would satisfy me.

     I don't know what to feel right now other than sadness.

I'm Supposed to Be on Vacation, Right?

     Well, I am. But I'm bored. We're at our hotel, and we went to Downtown Disney today. I'm a mixture of super tired, and wanting something to do. I kind of what to go for a run. We're in an area that I think is okay, but it's busy, so I don't think my mom is going to give me her blessing to go for a run. I just need to do something. You know? Maybe that's all the caffeine I drank talking.
     It was SO HOT today at Downtown Disney. If you see my video, after I post it, you'll get the picture. I must have commented on how hot it was 1000x or something...
     Florida... Impossibly hot some days. I hope I didn't get sunburned. I feel so pale these days. I get burned by the sun! Oh sun! Why do you do these things to me??
     Okay, I need to go out and do something. There's all sorts of stuff around. There's got to be something to do! Maybe we'll take a walk down the street. There are tons of shops and stuff. I NEED TO DO SOMETHING!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
     Still, we did a lot today. I just want something more...

My First YouTube Hate Vent

     Do you know what's very frustrating?? Well, I'm sure you do, but it might not be the same thing that I consider very frustrating, so how about I just tell you instead of making you guess?

The above is equivalent to how I feel right now.

The below is how I feel too.

The below below is- nope, I just thought her face looked funny like that.

FRUSTRATING= having someone you know go to your YouTube channel, watching part of a video and telling you your channel is boring and the background is creepy!

     Now, as I like to say, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Feedback is good because then you know what to change. I'd rather have someone tell me the truth than lie to me. BUT I'VE ONLY POSTED ABOUT TWENTY-SOMETHING VIDEOS!!!!!!!!!!!! You would think that they wouldn't all be boring!

     My friends all tell me that they like my channel and it's good and blah blah blah blah blah. Friends who are reading this, I love you, I'm just venting my feelings as I wait for more BORING videos to upload.

The various forms of venting are shown above and below.

     BORING!!!! I wonder if she's right. I hope not. It would explain my complete lack of viewers and low number of subscribers... My family member likes beauty channels and stuff that's funny. Maybe I'm not as funny as I thought. Oh well. It is my first hate, okay not really she's not threatening to kill me or plant a bomb in my hair or anything, so you have to excuse my overreaction.

     I'm not going to stop vlogging because of this. Nope. I won't. If my channel's boring and get's next to no views then so frickin' be it! I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL I PREVAIL!!!!! Which in this case probably just involves me not stopping. I mean, I'm not the next Jenna Marbles Mourey. I'm okay with that. Personally, I think that what she does is complete genius. And if you don't know who she is, you should look up "Jenna Marbles" on YouTube and get with the program here!

Or just watch this video...

... You know what the face is. Now go open a new tab and subscribe to Jenna's channel.

     Back to my point, I won't stop just because of a little Hate/Dislike from someone I know. In the end, it's okay because I like what I'm doing and that's what matters. It's a selfish matter here. It's all about me and how I feel instead about what other people think (for once). Though, in the future, I might try and make my videos a little more humorous (is THAT even POSSIBLE???! just kidding) and maybe I'll do a couple outfit of the day videos. I already did one the day before said person told me my vids were boring and that I should do make up tutorials. I just wanted to put that out there.

     So... I guess that's that. I'm gonna go enjoy my vacation tomorrow and vlog about it. There is a slight chance of rain  blogging during this trip too, but it's like a 30% chance, so no promises. AND DON'T YOU FREAKING DARE WISH RAIN ON THIS TRIP SO I WILL BLOG!!!!!!!!! I need a tan and want to swim and lie in the sun and be happy, okay? I wouldn't wish rain on your trip, so don't wish rain on mine:p

Thanks for reading my vent. I feel like I'm over it now. Time to post it online for the world to read...

Waiting Outside Target

     Writer's block and I are right now in the midst of a very good relationship. We broke up, and I couldn't be more happy about it. But trust me, he'll be back soon and we'll get back together. It's quite the emotionally abusive relationship. For now, though, he's gone, and I am feeling quite joyous.

      On another note, right now I'm listening to a CD I bought for my trip on Thursday. I love this album because it tells a story that's both happy, dancy, has good times, has bad times, and of growing up. Teenage Dream, The Complete Confection by Katy Perry. Also, I was able to get it without parental consent, so I'm not sure how that parental caution stuff works, but whatever. Either you don't need it if you're shopping by yourself, or they think I'm older than I am, or after the age of 13 nobody cares. I honestly have no clue. That made me happy though. I guess they just restocked.

     I was one of those lame people who get's to the store before it opens this morning. Seriously, it was just embarrassing. I had to drop my mom off at work this morning by 7:40, and Target was on my way home. I got there before 8 AM which I now know is when it opens. Sigh. I never thought I would be one of those people. On black Friday this past year, my friend and I were up at like 10 PM to go buy chicken nuggets and Sprite from Walmart. We took a wrong turn because our communication skills weren't quite up to par.

     We ended up at Target, where people were camping outside to wait for the store to open at like, 2 AM or something. We both thought it was really lame, and went to Walmart. That was freaking crazy, cause at 10 PM on Thursday, Black Friday had already started. Still, we got a buck discount on the food, and we had fun.

      Today just reminded me of that day.

      That (above) is what I felt like waiting for the store to open, so I went for a walk to find a different store open, but they were all still closed, so I felt extremely lame. Then a cop passed me. And it was raining. I was wondering if he was gonna stop me, and I was all like, "I'm gonna say I'm just some delinquent walking around when they ask me what I'm doing roaming around before 8 AM in front of empty stores." And that was before I saw that the car was a cop car and I just heard it behind me.

This (below) was me.

      But I got the CD. So that's the important thing.

      Okay, it's time to get back to writing before I go to Sarah E.'s at one. I gotta charge my camera battery too, so I can vlog some on my way and maybe there. So yeah, I'm going before my on-again-off-again boyfriend, Writer's Block, comes back into my life.