I guess every teen gets depressed. I'm no exception. It's just that, well, I've been a good girl all of my life. You know, the good, Christian girl who is supposed to be perfect and gets called goody two shoes and whatnot. The thing is, I'm not that girl. WHOA. Hold up! What did she just say?? You heard me right. I'm not that perfect Christian girl that I'm supposed to be and that everyone seems to think that I am. I feel bad about my body. I curse my genes on the regular basis. I want to be pretty and thin and perfect. I want to be that sexy girl that everyone wants. I want to have fun and party. I want to have a boyfriend.
I swear sometimes. I do stuff that's illegal. The other night while my friend and I were trying to do something illegally we got accused of being prostitutes and were politely asked to get off of the property.
I'm not trying to say that I'm a bad girl. And I know that bad girls aren't better or happier than good girls. But the thing is, they aren't worse either. Not really. We all have our insecurities, though some of us are better at hiding them than others. We all go through crap. It's worse for some people than others. Only God knows why. We're all just trying to freaking get by. And it's so hard with everyone's pressure and expectations. Sure there's peer pressure to do stuff your not supposed to do, which is hard enough, but then there's peer pressure to do the stuff your supposed to do from your other friends. Then it morphs into me trying not to let down either group. That's not even including parents, other adults, older and younger siblings, etc.
Effy from the UK tv series Skins
While she's a fictional character, she's an amazing example of a "bad" girl because she's "like and onion, and has got layers"- Shrek
Sure, she's a bad girl...
But if you've watched the show, you know she goes through some serious freaking stuff. Bad girls lives aren't perfect either.
It just get's to be a lot of pressure all the way around. No wonder so many of us slip into depression. Right now, I don't know what I'm going to do or how I'm going to feel in the next seconds, minutes, hours, days. What I do know is that I'm just one of the many people who I'm sure are out there who feel like me. If you're out there, just know that there's another person out there who feels like you, feeling alone, just surviving. Maybe together we can all survive by just getting by.
